Well, two years ago I would have been terrified to engage in such a project. You see, my family history is not the greatest when it comes to the women's choices in men. And we were taught that all this stuff is "private". So we were never able to see how messed up we really were because we could never talk about anything "real". Now, I don't care who knows. I'm proud to be on the other side of most of that craziness, so now I can look at it a bit more objectively. But here's part of the story:

My grandmother chose to marry a gypsy and abandoned her two very young daughters into her own mother's care. The youngest girl was my mother. (abandonment issues anyone?)

My mother, upon divorcing my father when I was 12, married a classic narcissist when I was 13. We didn't see very much of our dad after that. So, of course, now I had those abandonment issues too. Damn!

I married the first guy who came along in order to get away from the narcissist. (and my mom convinced me that no one else was ever going to want me so I'd better grab this one while I can) Nice, huh? Anyway, I was only 15 years-old! I stayed married to my children's dad for 13 years as a military wife. Believe me, I have already been an old lady.

Then, I had to write about my children. Thankfully, their dad did not disappear after our divorce, so my children are pretty much okay. (despite my best efforts to screw them up...unintentionally of course)

So why doesn't it bother me to talk about this now? I'm actually proud of myself for becoming the happy person I am now despite all the crap that has been handed down in my family. The way I used to think was this: I am a failure and unloveable because of what's happened to me in the past....now I think: I am a success and truly loveable in spite of what's happened to me in the past. You know how they give Boy Scouts those badges when they go through something hard and survive? I should have a chest full of badges (and if you know me, that's a very large amount!).

So, what did the priest say about all this stuff that had affected me so much in my life? He told us that he thought we were pretty well-adjusted compared to some of the other couples he had provided pre-marriage counseling to. He was also happy that Bruce and I were already aware of these issues and that we had already found a way to diffuse problems when they're small....way before they become HUGE!

But he gave us homework. Damn again! We have to fill out a 151-question worksheet. The reason we have to do this is because I've been married before. I haven't looked at it yet, but I'm interested to see what kinds of questions are there. This may be enlightening....or a complete waste of time. We'll see.

Later,
Brenda